As I've talked to people/parents/my husband about what causes a young girl to grow up so focused on her outward appearance, I've drawn the conclusion that it's what she sees that becomes what she considers normal. If her mother is focused on her outward appearance, so she will be. If her father is constantly commenting on outward appearances of her mom, other women, or she herself, she will find that is what is worthy to a man.
Apparently I'm not the only one who has noticed this, and this author is making a conscious effort to focus on inward characteristics when talking to young girls.
I know my own mom didn't talk much about her appearance or what physically made her self-conscious, and I believe that I owe her for the self-confidence and high values I hold on other characteristics.
Do you think what we talk about to or in front of young children makes a difference in how they develop their worldview?
How much did your parents focus on outward vs. inward characteristics and how do you think that affected you?
4 comments:
As hard as it is to speak the truth I would say that I am overly consumed with my outward appearance. Sometimes I try to trick myself into saying it's because I like to take care of myself but the truth of the matter is I can't go to the grocery store without a full face of makeup on. Dreadfully my girls see this, and I have tried to pit extra focus on the inward characteristics to counteract what they are seeing their mommy do every morning. I do have to agree with you as to the culprit of the matter, yes my mom did the same thing and yes my dad spoke very freely of woman's appearances and the value that was associated with it...maybe the next generation will have the confidence to change!
I just stumbled across this post and found it very interesting. I think this is true, the little ones learn from us. But I have to say, I've struggled my whole life with how I view my outward appearance. With my self esteem and my mood dependent on how I felt I looked. But my mother rarely talked about her looks and never spent more than a reasonable amount on her makeup etc.. And my dad didn't talk about the outer appearance of women other than to tell my mother, my sister and I that we were beautiful. Maybe it's because of my mom that I am very light on makeup and time spent on my hair, so that's good. But I still tend to struggle with bad self image, So, it must have come from somewhere else in my case.
I think Lauren brings up a central facet to the issue. While parents have an obviously strong effect on how their kids perceive themselves, they're not the be-all end-all. There are definitely other influences (peers, media, culture, etc.) that can shape the way we think about ourselves. My point is not to let parents off the hook, but rather to say that they have a responsibility to not be a contributing factor to false ideas and bad self-image. At least, that's how I see my role as a father.
Thank you for your thoughts! Lauren and Daniel, I agree that there are many factors that contribute to this - our society and media being a huge one. I think in whatever capacity we find ourselves, be it parent, aunt/uncle, or friend, we have a responsibility to try and shake this trend.
Jenee, keep on speaking truth to your little girls and fill yourself - your heart and mind - with the truth that you are beautiful inside and out.
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