Steps to move your focus away from outward appearance

Relevant Magazine posted an article this morning about the dangers in focusing on outward appearance. But beyond just stating that it's harmful, author Fileta laid out specific steps to help yourself curb the negative thought process behind this fixation on outward beauty.

I believe all four steps are doable and important to incorporate into our daily thoughts and actions if we are to see a change. ("Be the change you want to see in the world" and all that.) Step #2 - specifically "take inventory of what is coming out of your mouth" - has been something I've been working to be conscious of lately. How can I instill confidence in my friends and children if I'm putting myself down publicly?

At first this realization came specifically when talking to my girlfriends about our weight. I don't particularly care how much I weigh or what my friends weigh, but the only way to SHOW that I don't care is to not talk about it - at least not criticize myself about it. It's easy to just get caught up in that kind of conversation because so many of us are self-conscious about our figures thanks to societal standards and mainstream media, but I challenge you to refrain. Refrain from lamenting your larger-than-you'd-wish pant size. Refrain from publicly holding yourself to some unreasonable time frame for shedding the baby weight. Refrain from joining in the conversation of critiquing celebrity physique or even your mutual friends.

Even if you feel these things inwardly, one tangible step you can take in changing your own perspective AND positively influencing your friends at the same time is to hold your tongue and direct the conversation to things worthy of our attention and time - things like philosophy, the arts, politics, and our families.

Focusing on the inward

As I've talked to people/parents/my husband about what causes a young girl to grow up so focused on her outward appearance, I've drawn the conclusion that it's what she sees that becomes what she considers normal. If her mother is focused on her outward appearance, so she will be. If her father is constantly commenting on outward appearances of her mom, other women, or she herself, she will find that is what is worthy to a man.

Apparently I'm not the only one who has noticed this, and this author is making a conscious effort to focus on inward characteristics when talking to young girls.

I know my own mom didn't talk much about her appearance or what physically made her self-conscious, and I believe that I owe her for the self-confidence and high values I hold on other characteristics.

Do you think what we talk about to or in front of young children makes a difference in how they develop their worldview?


How much did your parents focus on outward vs. inward characteristics and how do you think that affected you?