Relevant Magazine posted an article this morning about the dangers in focusing on outward appearance. But beyond just stating that it's harmful, author Fileta laid out specific steps to help yourself curb the negative thought process behind this fixation on outward beauty.
I believe all four steps are doable and important to incorporate into our daily thoughts and actions if we are to see a change. ("Be the change you want to see in the world" and all that.) Step #2 - specifically "take inventory of what is coming out of your mouth" - has been something I've been working to be conscious of lately. How can I instill confidence in my friends and children if I'm putting myself down publicly?
At first this realization came specifically when talking to my girlfriends about our weight. I don't particularly care how much I weigh or what my friends weigh, but the only way to SHOW that I don't care is to not talk about it - at least not criticize myself about it. It's easy to just get caught up in that kind of conversation because so many of us are self-conscious about our figures thanks to societal standards and mainstream media, but I challenge you to refrain. Refrain from lamenting your larger-than-you'd-wish pant size. Refrain from publicly holding yourself to some unreasonable time frame for shedding the baby weight. Refrain from joining in the conversation of critiquing celebrity physique or even your mutual friends.
Even if you feel these things inwardly, one tangible step you can take in changing your own perspective AND positively influencing your friends at the same time is to hold your tongue and direct the conversation to things worthy of our attention and time - things like philosophy, the arts, politics, and our families.
10.19.2011
Miss Representation
Some things already stuck out to me in the trailer though. For one, Jennifer Pozner claims that the media is to blame and it's not our fault that women are portrayed sexually, devalued, etc. etc. etc. I disagree and plan to elaborate on that later. Second, this statistic left me flabbergasted: "Women hold only 3% of clout positions in telecommunications, entertainment, publishing, and advertising." THREE PERCENT?! That's astonishing, and quite frankly, telling.
So if you have cable, this is my post encouraging you to check out this documentary. Or better yet, find a screening near you. Even better still, host one where they haven't got one yet!
7.18.2011
Penalties for men who buy sex
Newsweek has run an article on an extensive study of men who buy sex. I am so glad to see that major news organizations are shedding light on the "consumer" and "demand" for the purchase of women as objects and how great of a problem it truly is. While there are factors like education and poverty to be addressed on the victim's side of the issue, solutions to those problems will never be effective if we don't cut down the demand.
Page 5 of the article states, "Striking developments abroad are also influencing policies in the United States. In 1999 Sweden decided that prostitution was a form of violence against women and made it a crime to buy sex, although not to sell it. This approach dramatically reduced trafficking, whereas the legalization of prostitution in the Netherlands, Germany, and much of Australia led to an explosive growth in demand that generated an increase in trafficking and other crimes. Sweden’s success in dealing with the problem has persuaded other countries to follow suit."
What kind of penalties do you think would act as effective deterrents for men who purchase sex?
Page 5 of the article states, "Striking developments abroad are also influencing policies in the United States. In 1999 Sweden decided that prostitution was a form of violence against women and made it a crime to buy sex, although not to sell it. This approach dramatically reduced trafficking, whereas the legalization of prostitution in the Netherlands, Germany, and much of Australia led to an explosive growth in demand that generated an increase in trafficking and other crimes. Sweden’s success in dealing with the problem has persuaded other countries to follow suit."
What kind of penalties do you think would act as effective deterrents for men who purchase sex?
7.07.2011
+2 points for Victoria Beckham; my thoughts on shaving
People quoted Victoria Beckham as saying, "I like little girls to look like little girls" and I whole-heartedly agree. Bikinis for 6-year-olds, high heels for babies...it's all kind of gross in my opinion.
And on the flip side, I think full-grown, adult women should look like adult women. What I mean by that is, striving to look like a pre-pubescent with gangly limbs and no hair ANYWHERE is similarly gross to me.
I haven't done any research on this, it's just a hypothesis and theory, but I don't think the model that our media portrays (and we follow suit in re-emphasizing) that completely shaved as the ideal does anything to help men find the value and beauty in women their age. Does it make sense to anyone else that shaving yourself to look like a little girl only aids in young girls and CHILDREN being viewed as sexual objects? I know it's a stretch, but I don't think it's ludicrous.
And on the flip side, I think full-grown, adult women should look like adult women. What I mean by that is, striving to look like a pre-pubescent with gangly limbs and no hair ANYWHERE is similarly gross to me.
I haven't done any research on this, it's just a hypothesis and theory, but I don't think the model that our media portrays (and we follow suit in re-emphasizing) that completely shaved as the ideal does anything to help men find the value and beauty in women their age. Does it make sense to anyone else that shaving yourself to look like a little girl only aids in young girls and CHILDREN being viewed as sexual objects? I know it's a stretch, but I don't think it's ludicrous.
7.06.2011
Focusing on the inward
As I've talked to people/parents/my husband about what causes a young girl to grow up so focused on her outward appearance, I've drawn the conclusion that it's what she sees that becomes what she considers normal. If her mother is focused on her outward appearance, so she will be. If her father is constantly commenting on outward appearances of her mom, other women, or she herself, she will find that is what is worthy to a man.
Apparently I'm not the only one who has noticed this, and this author is making a conscious effort to focus on inward characteristics when talking to young girls.
I know my own mom didn't talk much about her appearance or what physically made her self-conscious, and I believe that I owe her for the self-confidence and high values I hold on other characteristics.
Do you think what we talk about to or in front of young children makes a difference in how they develop their worldview?
How much did your parents focus on outward vs. inward characteristics and how do you think that affected you?
Apparently I'm not the only one who has noticed this, and this author is making a conscious effort to focus on inward characteristics when talking to young girls.
I know my own mom didn't talk much about her appearance or what physically made her self-conscious, and I believe that I owe her for the self-confidence and high values I hold on other characteristics.
Do you think what we talk about to or in front of young children makes a difference in how they develop their worldview?
How much did your parents focus on outward vs. inward characteristics and how do you think that affected you?
6.22.2011
'Prostitution is hardly a career choice.' I'd also like to argue that we focus on men
A few days ago democratandchronicle.com posted an article refuting the idea that prostitution is a career choice, plain and simple. "'There may be some women who chose prostitution for that reason, but the explanation is rarely that simple,' says Mandi Burnette, an assistant professor in the department of clinical and social sciences in psychology at the University of Rochester...whose own research involves violence, prostitution and various other types of criminal behavior..."
I agree with most of the viewpoints in this article, including Burnette's, and would even go so far as to say that women who engage willingly in sexually promiscuous behavior have a host of deeper issues as well. And as much as I believe in building into women and strengthening self-esteem so as to demolish this self-destructive behavior, I also believe men play a large role and we have a responsibility to them as well.
In the case of prostitution, specifically, we can look at it from the business angle: supply and demand. The reason there is a supply of prostitutes and pimps trafficking girls for sale is because there is a demand from men. And while the deep-seated issues are complex, I think it mostly boils down to this:
an unhealthy view of self and of sex/relationships.
Paying someone for your own pleasure is plainly done out of selfish desire and the need to satisfy the self. While we all do that to some degree, when you place yourself and your "needs" that far in front of another human being as to degrade them and cause them physical and emotional harm, I believe you are committing the ultimate selfish act and have a very skewed perspective on what is important in life and how the world works. Of course, media and culture telling you that "it's okay because it's their job" doesn't help the situation either.
I can think of various reasons for men to come to this unhealthy worldview, so let's discuss. What situations, life circumstances, etc. do you think might cause this? How do you think we can change this?
I agree with most of the viewpoints in this article, including Burnette's, and would even go so far as to say that women who engage willingly in sexually promiscuous behavior have a host of deeper issues as well. And as much as I believe in building into women and strengthening self-esteem so as to demolish this self-destructive behavior, I also believe men play a large role and we have a responsibility to them as well.
In the case of prostitution, specifically, we can look at it from the business angle: supply and demand. The reason there is a supply of prostitutes and pimps trafficking girls for sale is because there is a demand from men. And while the deep-seated issues are complex, I think it mostly boils down to this:
an unhealthy view of self and of sex/relationships.
Paying someone for your own pleasure is plainly done out of selfish desire and the need to satisfy the self. While we all do that to some degree, when you place yourself and your "needs" that far in front of another human being as to degrade them and cause them physical and emotional harm, I believe you are committing the ultimate selfish act and have a very skewed perspective on what is important in life and how the world works. Of course, media and culture telling you that "it's okay because it's their job" doesn't help the situation either.
I can think of various reasons for men to come to this unhealthy worldview, so let's discuss. What situations, life circumstances, etc. do you think might cause this? How do you think we can change this?
6.16.2011
The most dangerous countries for women
I came across this video on cnn.com this morning, ranking the most dangerous countries for women and the factors taken into account. Afghanistan, Congo, Pakistan, India, and Somalia were rated the most dangerous (respectively) for things like their maternal mortality rate (death during childbirth – a rate that is 1 in 11 in Afghanistan), rape statistics, female infanticide numbers, and female genital mutilation occurrences.
These things are horrifying across the board, no matter what culture you come from.
But as a middle-class American, it is really difficult for me to understand the thinking ingrained in such a culture that would raise men to think of women as less than human. Regardless of your position on the feminism spectrum, I think most of us in first-world countries would agree that a person is a person, and does not deserve death or mutilation because of their gender.
What do you think are some contributing factors to these high rates in "the most dangerous countries for women?" What action do you think will be required to see change in these countries?
These things are horrifying across the board, no matter what culture you come from.
But as a middle-class American, it is really difficult for me to understand the thinking ingrained in such a culture that would raise men to think of women as less than human. Regardless of your position on the feminism spectrum, I think most of us in first-world countries would agree that a person is a person, and does not deserve death or mutilation because of their gender.
What do you think are some contributing factors to these high rates in "the most dangerous countries for women?" What action do you think will be required to see change in these countries?
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